A Letter To Myself and Gut Check

Bear with me on this post.  I have really been struggling with myself lately and my quest.  I have the workout routine figured out in a way that I can tolerate and make it through on a daily basis.  I have given myself permission to take a night off from my second workout once a week if needed due to busy schedule or tiredness.  The part I've been struggling with the most lately is the food.  Not that I don't like the food that I'm eating.  I really do like the food I'm eating and have found many new items that I like.  My struggle with my cravings, sometimes giving into those cravings (sometimes with Munkee's knowledge, sometimes not).  Since I allowed myself an indulgence into food I hadn't had for almost two years I found my cravings coming more frequently and my desire to satisfy those cravings raising.  I have found myself sneaking food, sometimes good food and more times then I'd like to admit, sometimes not so good foods.  It's the giving into those cravings that is causing me problems.  I let that door open once and it's like someone has their food in the door and I can't close it.  It's not that I've put weight on, thanks to the second workout but I am not progressing the way I should be to the finish line.  It is time that I stomp on that food and slam the door shut and lock it with multiple locks.  This is not to say I will never have extras but they will be proper extras that are planned and not hidden and eaten in the car.  They will not be rewards.  They will not be to be satisfy an emotional state or stress I'm dealing with.  The will be to try something new or have something I wouldn't make at home (looking at you sushi) and be done in a way that is good for me.  So now I want to write myself a note to keep with me as a reminder of why I'm doing this.  What I didn't like about my life 26 months ago.  How far I've come.  This is me putting on my big girl pants, pulling up my socks and sucking it up buttercup.  No more excuses.

Melissa,

In August 2013 you took part in a fan experience for Murdoch Mysteries, what should have been a super exciting day for you turned quickly sad as you looked through the photos of yourself with the cast and crew you met.  You saw very clearly the effects your current lifestyle was having on you.  You knew if you continued down this path you would put yourself into a very early grave.  You spent the next week planning a new lifestyle for yourself.  Working out an eating and exercise plan that would change with you as you went on your quest to be the healthiest Melissa possible.  Since that time you have amazed yourself with everything you have done.  You workout most days twice a day.  You eat foods  you never would have looked at twice.  You have proven yourself stronger than you even thought possible.  Life stresses will happen.  Your inner voice will try to convince you to revert back to old habits.  You have the strength to deal with the stresses in a healthier way then eating them.  You have the strength to tell those voices to go to hell.  Stumbles will happen but it's how you pick yourself up afterwards that's important.  You have set a goal for yourself and have been working towards that goal for over two years, now is the time to focus, remember why you're doing this and get it done.

You are lucky enough to have an amazing husband who supports you, will help pick you up when you stumble and only wants to see you succeed in your goal.  You have also surrounded yourself with supportive friends and family members.  Trust in that support system to see you threw challenges and celebrate with you (not with food) when over coming the challenges.

You have got this.  This should be the easiest part for you.  You know what you're doing.  You just have to remember why you're doing this and not let the negatives drag you down. 

You've got this

August 2013

August 2015

YOU HAVE GOT THIS

Melissa

Two Year Anniversary

It was two years ago today that I started this quest to get healthier.  To change my lifestyle.  To take control back of my life.  In the two years since I made this commitment to myself I have pushed myself further then I ever thought possible, I have tried new things I never thought I would try and liked them and I have relied on the love and support of my family and friends more than you can imagine.

Two years ago I took part in a Murdoch Mysteries weekend, I was so looking forward to the weekend and then after, looking at the pictures I got smacked with reality.  I was eating myself into an early grave.  With the support of my amazing husband I made lifestyle changes and am in a much healthier place.  Here is my picture from two years ago.

This past weekend I was able to go back and retake my picture with some the amazing cast of Murdoch Mysteries.

What a difference two years makes!  Here is another one of the transformation.

Other than reaching the two year mark I am also celebrating another milestone that I have been waiting for.  I am now officially have the size I use to be.  Yes, that is correct, I have lost an entire me!

I will try to get better about writing weekly blogs.  The last few months have been a struggle for me as the scale hasn't been always showing me what I wanted to see and I have been questioning my resolve.  With the support of Munkee I am still pushing forward and still moving ahead.  I am about 24 pounds away from where I want to end up and even that is still a question as I want to ensure my final weight is manageable and realistic.

So I want to share a few things I've learned in the last two years:

1. I am not on a diet, I have changed my lifestyle for the better
2. It takes a lot of work to plan and prepare the food you need but it's better for you
3. It's not easy, don't let anyone ever tell you it's easy to make the changes
4. With a lot of determination, support and will power you can make the changes and can get yourself healthier
5. Mushrooms and onions aren't yucky!
6. Sushi is good
7. Eating too much sugar after little to none is a bad thing (will have to share that story some time!)
8. If I can do this, anyone can.  Trust me.

Do You Remember Me?

Do you remember me?  Did you miss me?  Did you think I had fallen off the wagon?

I'm still here, I'm still moving forward on my quest to be a healthier me.  I'm still making progress. 

I hit a wall.  The winter was very long and very snowy.  My weight loss stalled.  Down for a bit and then the same for a few weeks.  I got sick of trying to stay positive when I was frustrated.  I took some time to step back and reevaluate the purpose of this quest.  Weight loss is a great side effect but the ultimate goal was to be healthier.  I am most certainly much healthier than I was two years ago.

One thing I learned on this quest is that it is unpredictable and as much as I'd love to lose weight every week, it won't happen and I need to be ok with that.  I'm still learning to accept this but it's coming.  This last little bit will be the most difficult to lose as it's been with me the longest.  I will have to have faith in the path I have taken, know that I am doing the right things with my food and exercise.  I continue to change up my workouts regularly and add weights to the weighted vest I wear.  I continue to try new foods and look for healthier ways to eat.  I am now addicted to lettuce wraps and most of my lunches are on lettuce wraps.

I still struggle with cravings.  I don't know that those will every really go away but I deal with them.  Talk through them with Munkee and friends.  I have come too far.

I recently went to my doctor and she is happy with where my weight is but I still have a bit more to lose.  I want to make sure that I'm within the normal range of the BMI before I start maintenance.  I'm close but not there yet.  So I guess I should give an update as to where I am.

As of this very morning I am down 153 pounds.  

I still find that very amazing to say and still don't believe it really.

I will try to get back to writing weekly and giving an update.  The last three weeks were crazy busy for my and I'm happy to say I have a few days off to regroup and relax a bit.  So looking forward to it!

Weekly Weigh-in and Eye on the Prize

So here we are again, time for the weekly weigh-in reveal....

As of Saturday I am officially down 141 pounds.  That's another 2 pounds down and another 10 pound ribbon!

I am getting closer and closer to the finish line.  I am getting excited to see the end.  I know when I reach the end I will still have to exercise and watch what I'm eating but I will get to eat a bit more to maintain and hopefully exercise a bit less.

I seem to be accepting the second quick workout at the end of the day.  I know that the results will be well worth it in the end.

I have had to go out and get some new clothes as my current clothes are getting a bit big on me.  I have been trying very hard to not continue to wear clothes that are baggy on me as it does not show off my hard work.

I continue to explore new foods.  Last week it was black bean pasta.  It was just as good as regular pasta and a nice lower calorie high fiber option.  I have also been adding mushrooms regularly.  I have added it to my stir fry and eggs and am going to try it on pizza next!  Who would have thought I would be eating mushrooms and asparagus and tofu and tempeh.  I really have opened my mind to new things.  Not always successful but most of them have been.

I continue to try and prep for dinners the night before trying to keep dinners not too late.  It seems to be working well.

This week should be pretty much the same.  Only challenge is food at work.  St. Patrick's Day and possible treats and then a pizza lunch.  Being so close to the finish line will help keep me focused on my goals.

Still Here

Hello!

I know it's been a couple of weeks since I last blogged.  I needed a bit of a break.  I think the winter blahs have hit and I have been really busy.  So let's give an update.

As of yesterday I am down 139 pounds!  That's two pounds down since the last time I blogged.  I'm very happy about it and it's nice to see progress still happening.

Since the last time I blogged I have added a second workout to my day.  It's 20 to 30 minutes without weights at the end of the day.  The time range is because I do one extra exercise on days when I'm not working to make up for not doing the stairs on those days.  I am in the home stretch, well compared to where I started!  I will continue to have to push myself and keep the eye on the finish line.  I draw strength to move forward from Munkee.  He keeps pushing me as he knows I can do it and is there to pick me up when I stumble.  It's been the best support I could hope for.

The biggest challenge I faced in the last two weeks was my birthday.  I debated for a long time as to whether or not I would have a cupcake on my birthday.  I have been dealing with hunger and cravings for the last week and was afraid I would not be happy with a cupcake.  I spent last Sunday baking.  I made two kinds of cupcakes and two kinds of muffins and biscotti and meringues.  The muffins and biscotti and meringues are in line with my lifestyle and for my birthday I did allow myself a couple of treats.  I shared the cupcakes with family, friends and coworkers but did not have one myself.  Looking back I probably should have because after my birthday I started sneaking a few of the lifestyle friendly treats.  I gave into my cravings and hunger.  By Friday I was feeling guilty and confessed to Munkee what I had been doing.  I will continue to bake healthier options but if I want to have them I will account for them properly.

I am looking for ways to make recipes healthier so we can enjoy some of our favourites without all the not so good stuff in it.  Munkee will be a bit of a guinea pig for me as I try different flours and sugar substitutes.  Looking for ways to be in more control of what we're eating vs. the store bought options.

I am very much looking forward to winter being over so I can go out for walks on my lunch and see the sun again.  Supposed to start warming up this week so hopefully that will be sooner rather than later.

Weekly Weigh-in and Reflection

I know, I know, a day late.  I was VERY busy yesterday so please forgive me.  Without further ado here we go....

My weight loss total as of yesterday was 137 pounds.  Yep, I stayed the same.

Staying the same is way better than going up!  I'm in the final stretch and my resolve is being tested but I am committed to staying the course and getting to the finish line.  I refuse to let the last stubborn pounds get the better of me.  I may need to add some more time to my workout but this is going to take some juggling as I really don't have extra time in the morning.  If it was nicer out I could walk at lunch or after dinner but right now is just too cold and too snowy.  I will probably add some time to Wii fit after dinner.

Something else I did this week was to try and get prep for dinner done the night before so that dinner was getting done earlier than if I had to do all prep and cooking that night.  I don't like eating dinner too late and on days when I don't work I can manage this very well but when I'm working it doesn't always work out that way.  I'm trying to find ways to make it night so late for eating.

My other challenge this week was a baking job I had.  As I've said, I LOVE baking.  It is my happy place and I'm getting better and better at not being tempted by the stuff I'm baking.  I make a cake and cookies for a baby shower my friend was hosting.  It was a busy day yesterday getting everything done but I enjoyed it.

This up coming week I have nothing planned that I know of.  It may change as the week goes on but so far so good.

Weekly Weigh-in and Reflection

Better late than never?

So as of yesterday I am down 137 pounds.  That's another pound down!

This week was pretty good.  Fairly routine and nothing over the top.  I have stopped eating the extra cashews I added last week as my weight was stabilizing and I need to keep going down.  I have started looking for alternative protein sources to find low cal but yummy alternatives.  This week I tried Tempeh.  Took a bit to find it in the stores but I had it in place of bacon on my BLT and it was good.  I felt full after and I didn't mind it.  I am not switching to vegetarian but they do have some good alternative protein sources that I can incorporate into my routine.  

The only challenge this week was Valentine's Day yesterday (hence being a day late in posting this) and extra treats around the office.  Oh wait, I baked some of the treats for the office!  I'm finding it getting a bit easier to resist the temptations because I am enjoying the food I'm eating and I like sticking to my plan for the day.  Yesterday Munkee and I had a bit of running around to do  and decided to pick up lunch to bring home.  I normally would get a 6 inch ham and turkey sub but I find I am getting stingy with my points so instead I got a salad with chicken so I could save the points of the bun to use for extras with the salad.

It's finding that balance and being happy with what you are eating.  It's a learning process and you have to adjust as you move forward.  One for variety and two because items change in the stores.  That on annoys me!  You get use to one item and then suddenly it's gone (looking at you Fiber 1 chocolate peanut butter brownies).  So then you left standing in the grocery stores reading labels and trying new things.

I have to say the one really good thing about this quest I'm on is that I have been forced to try new things.  Most of them have been successful and some haven't been so successful.  But in the last two months I have tried things I would have never thought of trying over a year ago.  I guess we all grow up eventually?

This week I plan on hibernating as it is very cold and snowy right now and that is not motivating for wanting to do much at all besides curling up on the couch and watching tv!